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honeymoon

Honeymoon: Not-Nude Beach

After a bit more research and a lengthy conversation with the front-desk clerk at their hotel, Bob and Dot have located another beach--not a nude beach this time, but at least it caters to humanoids rather than gastropods. Better still, there's no chance of getting sunburned, because this particular beach has never seen daylight and probably never will. It's an underground lagoon lit by bioluminescent mushrooms in every color of the rainbow, clinging to the walls and pillars of the cavern. ("Don't even think about trying to eat 'em," the desk clerk warned, which just made Bob wonder why anyone would want to.)

Whatever. The lighting is lovely, the water is pleasantly cool, and they've got the entire cave to themselves. For now, anyway.

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"...hi."

They're clearly not human--they've got the scales, fins, and bright hues of tropical reef fish.

"Um. I didn't know there was anyone else here..."

One, the mermaid with the colorations of a Christmas Wrasse, smiles at him, with a voice covered in honey. "Oh we don't mind...thought it was just going to be a girl's afternoon here...didn't we?"

The other two are just smiling at him with sighs of content at him, swishing their tails behind them slowly.

...damn, he didn't know fish could have cleavage like that.

"Well... uh, that... um... it's... nice to meet you?"

(Glitch is facepalming in the back of his mind.)

"Nice to meet you too..." It might be noted that mermaids do not often bother with such frivolties such as clothing.

At least, not with that one colored like a Royal Gramma.

"Come here often..."

"N-o-o-o-o..."

His voice is coming out unnaturally high.

"Awwww...." In chorus even. "And here we were hoping to see more of you while you where here."

...Yes. He heard that right.

Bob fishmouths for several seconds before any sound comes out.

"I--I--"

Not that the sound that comes out is particularly helpful.

"Then again...maybe you wouldn't mind spending a little time with us..."

There's another splash, behind Bob again. Except Glitch can probably tell him who that is.

At which point Glitch decides that this has gone far enough, and it's time to take matters into its own hands. Or lack thereof.

"Ladies, I'm very flattered, but I happen to be happily married to the pregnant sprite who's just coming up behind me..."

You know, the one coming up with the camera.

"...Bob...what's going on?"

Hearing his wife's voice is enough to snap Bob out of his libido-induced trance. "Oh! Dot! Hi! These, ah, these young ladies and I were just talking about... um..." What were they talking about, anyway? Besides the blindingly obvious?

"Just about the scenery." One of them smiles, although a bit disheartened.

Damn, already caught and landed.

"....sure you were."

Caught, landed, and mounted on a plaque on the wall, sweetie.

"Right! Right, the scenery, right. It's--it's really something."

"Speaking of...I don't suppose you girls would mind helping us take some vacation photos..."

.
.
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Man, there are MANTICORES less intimidatng thant his woman.

And being snared by a fisherman's hook would probably be more comfortable.

The purple-and-yellow one is the first to speak up. "Yes, ma'am, just tell me how it works..."

"She's so fat!" whispers the third mermaid, colored rather like a clownfish. "How can he--"

"Shut up, Tetra," the wrasse-girl hisses back.

...She heard that.

"Simple enough.. viewfinder is here...click this button once to zoom and focus on something..." Dot goes through the steps carefully, one hand to a stomach that's putting out regular pings now that the daddy is nearby.

The picture-taking proceeds without incident (although Tetra still looks faintly appalled). Afterward, the three mermaids quickly excuse themselves and disappear beneath the water's surface once more.

The moment they're gone, Bob sags against Dot's shoulder. "Ohthankyousomuch."

Ooof!

"Yes, dear.... Next time, I'll explore the area and you can schmooze with the locals." Dot murmurs hugging him, and giving him a kiss on his cheek. "And thank you Glitch, for 'taking the controls' for that nano there."

"Dot, if you're worried about someone stealing me away, don't. Why would I want anyone else when I've got you?"

It might sound cheesy, but it's true.

"Mhmm...you say the sweetest things..."

Bob doesn't have anything to say to that. Talking would mean he's not kissing his wife.

.

.

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From the far end of the lagoon...

"Ew, gross! How can he get close to that lardass?"
"Eh, forget him. Let's go cruise the north shore, I hear there's a spot where the satyrs like to go skinny-dipping..."

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